Friday, April 21, 2017

I feel homeless - Where do I belong?

As cheesy and romantisized it might sound but when I am in the woods, strolling through the trees, laying in the soft green moss with the sun shining on my face, I feel home. I feel like this is where I belong to, the place where I am in peace. I don't know what it is about the forest but it makes me feel eased and calm. Whenever I feel stressed out or need to let my thoughts fly for a while I go for a walk into the woods. I leave my sorrow somewhere between pines and mushrooms, the trees listen and gently comfort me. 

After living in Finland for eight months, I feel like a homeless now - I don't know where I belong anymore. For a long time already, I didn't feel like I belong to my hometown in Germany anymore, but still it was my home, where I grew up, where my family was, where I kept memories. But now I am here. I found friends. Even a person that is more than just a friend to me. I collected memories, so many. I grew into this country day by day. 

Every day that my departure back home comes closer, I wonder how to deal with these feelings. This feeling of being homeless and not belonging anywhere. I have no stable home here, but I don't feel like returning to my family house either. I love my family and I am looking forward to see them again after such a long time apart, but there is nothing that pulls me back to my hometown. There is nothing I look forward to, nothing it gives to me. 

Nevertheless, this showed me where I wanna be. The North, which has always been the place I felt connected to, became a place I want to be. I realized where I want to put roots later in my life and I made a lot of experiences which made me develope myself and my idea of living my life. Saying goodbye is never easy if you have to leave things behind that mean a lot to you. It hurts. 

I guess, this is something many people feel like. We want to travel the world and see places but we also long for a home we can return to. I still haven't found a balance or a way to deal with it. All I know is that I don't wanna leave friends behind, I don't wanna leave. 
But I have to and life goes on, like it always does. And new people will enter your life. The world is a big place and so small at the same time. We will always be close, although we are far apart. I think that's okay - and I will come back. I will find my home, I am sure. It's just not time yet. 

 Until then, I will lay in the moss.

Monday, April 17, 2017

Spring feelings

Happy Easter, everyone! I hope you all have sunny holidays! I spent this weekend very relaxed at Tiina's place to get out of my own four walls for a few days. She visited her family for Easter so I had her flat for myself, enjoyed a bath and the silence since there aren't so many people around here. Lately, I haven't been so active here because I am very busy with work for the university but also because my thoughts are somewhere else at the moment, at someone else to be more specific. I spend a lot of time with a wonderful soul at the moment and sometimes I just don't feel like writing here. I just want to enjoy the Spring feeling to its fullest. 

But I got my latest analog film developed and the photos show a wonderful afternoon I spent with Loraina at the shore. We were lucky to see five squirrels running around some rocks and trees to get some nuts, and we were able to shoot some lovely photos of them. We also admired the snowdrops and crocuses which survived despite the still very cold temperatures here in the north.

Sometimes life is so excited you want to share it with the entire world, but sometimes I just want to hold onto that feeling and feel it in silence. Spring is a mixture of snow and sun here at the moment and so is my heart. Happy Easter, dear ones! I hope you are all fine!

Sunday, April 9, 2017

Chasing a fox and chatting with birds in Seurasaari

Good morning, folks! We are still a little bit tired, but so very excited. Yesterday was an amazing day! We have expected to see lots of squirrels on Seurasaari, but instead we spotted a fox and little birds sat on our hands while we were so amazed how beautiful nature is and how lucky we've been.

Eye to eye with the fox we called Finny. We spotted him in the forest after our little break and followed him through the trees. I've never seen a wild fox before and he looked like fire between the green moss.

What beautiful abandoned houses were hiding among the trees! We looked through ghostly windows, knocked at wooden doors waiting for a ghost to open. We made a little lunch break on a hill and watched the sun between the trees and the big wooden cabin right next to us. A magical place!

A small red tail between green moss, two brown eyes above a little snub nose, a wild heart beating silently in the Spring breeze.

What a magical day! Loraina and I fell into bed being super happy! I am so glad her first day here went so well and contained so many lovely moments and so much laughter. I am looking forward to the next adventure!

Pictures of me by Loraina: Instagram

Friday, April 7, 2017

A guest from Germany

Happy Friday, everyone! It is short after seven in the evening and I've spent the day drawing some more things for my shop and running errands before it started raining. Now I am sitting on my computer before I will take a shower, build up the spare bed and then head to the airport to pick up dear Loraina. I am already pretty tired and she will arrive half past eleven but I am super excited to meet her and what the next couple of days will bring. 
We are planning to visit Nuuksio on Sunday and say Hi to the squirrels in Seurasaari tomorrow. My heart skips a beat when I think about Nuuksio. The last time I have been there the sun created the most magical light as you can see in the photos. I really hope we will have some good weather to explore the forest.

How lovely it would be to stay at this little cabin in the snowy woods. I am wondering if there is still snow in Nuuksio. But we will see on Sunday. I have to show this cabin to Loraina, and also all the other neat places around the lake and in the forest. How exciting! I hope you all have a wonderful start into the weekend!