My first week in Sweden

D75_8263.png

Arriving to Sweden

I’m sitting here in front of my campervan right now, having a snack while watching the trees bending in the strong wind today. It’s been 9 days since I arrived in Småland and oh well, it has been a rollercoaster ride. I haven’t felt so many emotions in such a short time as I did the past week. My perspective shifted as my mood from one extreme to another. It has been a real up and down the past days. Right now, I enjoy my second free day after I’ve been working at the campsite my first three days already. It has been exhausting but also mind-distracting to learn all the new things that I need to know working as a receptionist and helper along the camping place. Struggling with homesickness and heartache at the same time, made me feel exhausted every night but it made me sleep deep and well. Even though I still wake up with the feeling of missing, the view out of my window where I can see the forest and the walks to the sea and through the woods make me feel better every day.

2019-05-12 01.56.38 1.jpg

Småland

It feels like the days are longer here, softer. Maybe it is because I just run up the hill to my campervan when I finish work and don’t need to travel home with bus or train for hours, so I can still enjoy much of the evening instead. Maybe it is because I can visit the sea and the forest everyday and hear the birds singing when I wake up from the sun. Maybe being on a campsite spreads the feeling of being on vacation instead of working. Maybe the contrast to my life in the city just makes it feel so much slower. But the days go by and I lose feeling of time. I feel like my thoughts are in a constant dance with the wind and the sun.

I am as conscious as I’ve never been before. Since the internet is not working very well here, I spent less time on my phone and computer, and wander around in the forests instead - and that feels very good. It makes me be with myself and nature and nobody else. I still feel connected with my beloved ones and sharing my adventures, but it became a smaller part of my life.

In the beginning it has been a bit of a change to live in a campervan, filling the water tanks every second day, getting rid of the gray water and everything that comes with a life as a “camper”. But I got used to it and now it feels pretty cool to be responsible to make your home work in a way, and to live so simple. I don’t need much, but some things I really like to have - that’s what I realized.

2019-05-12 02.01.16 1.jpg

About finding out who you are

I think I never explored myself more than I do right now. Being so far away from everything I was used to, I am all alone on my own - with the massive amount of thoughts and feelings. I feel lonely a lot and I miss people, but I decided to see this as a way to find out who I am and what I want in life. Since my life has changed completely the past months, I lost track of who I actually wanna be. My view of life and how it should look like changed as well, and so I ended up being all confused about myself and life in general. And since I am the only one who can do something about it, I have no other option than facing my crisis and getting out of it. So, I decided to take as much time for myself to find out what I need to know, getting to know myself better and deciding what I want for my future. Might it be staying in Sweden and building a life here, or going back to Germany and starting a life there. I don’t know how much time it will take, but I am sure it won’t be easy - I will feel lost and confused and sad, as I did the past week. I will feel heartache and indecisiveness, anger and love - but that’s okay. I am sure I will walk out of it stronger and wiser than ever before.

It feels so good to take care of myself again - mentally and physically. I went for my first run in a long while again, and also for a forest walk every single day since I arrived. There is much to explore inside of me and outside, and it just feels so good to be on the road, to see, smell and feel the wild again. I saw a stag running into the woods when I’ve been out for a run, heard one calling at night outside of my campervan and watched the birds hopping around in the trees. I watched the sunset at the sea, at a little lake in the forest and the moon greeting me from my roof top window. My mind and body are getting stronger again, and that feels so empowering!

“Wild, free and wonderful”

While I’m writing this it started raining and I can hear the raindrops on the roof which sounds so cozy and soothing. To be honest, it feels very surreal that it’s only been nine days since I arrived, it feels so much longer. There is still so much to come!

Now, I will spend the rest of the day very relaxed, enjoying the sound of the rain and some good food, maybe walk down to the lake again later tonight.

Until then, lots of love!

/ Michelle

2019-05-15 03.47.48 2.jpg