Today is a confusing day. I woke up this morning after a pretty sleepless night but I got up and ready for a good friend of mine coming over for breakfast. I made vegan french toast for us and we spent a sleepy but good morning together. Afterwards, I had a class but we met for lunch again and laughed a lot while eating and talking about deep things and a lot of nonsense. Later we picked up his nephew and went to a playground to swing to the sky and run in the snow. I couldn't stop laughing although my legs were frozen.
But the so well started day turned into a very emotional one. When I came back home, a person that meant a lot to me came over and we had a serious talk. There were tears. words, and a long hug.
In the past couple of weeks, I realized that sometimes you have to let people go, although they mean a lot to you. Sometimes you have to think of yourself - and your happiness. It hurts. It hurts so much. But I feel that it is the right choice.
That doesn't mean it is easy or it doesn't make me cry while I am writing this. It means that I understood that I know what I want and that I accepted it. And that there are people who can't give you what you want and even if you wish they would, and you are dreaming and trying to change them, they won't and sooner or later, you will get hurt. So, although it is hard, sometimes it is better to let go - and to move on. To accept that this was not the right person, but someday there will be. Somehow, I hope writing this down will make me feel less heartbroken and help me to look forward to the future, instead of looking back to what I had or what I was pretending to have. I want to remind me that I want the good people in my life, who makes me happy - and everything else I have to let go. With tears but also with a smile.
I hope you are all happy and have good souls in your life. Hold them tight, they are precious! Love!