A new beginning: Finishing my study, moving to Sweden, self-struggle
Hej hej! I just stumbled into my room a second ago and actually, I have plenty of stuff to do, like applying to a really cool job offer, running some errands or just getting into bed and rest because I'm suffering from the flu at the moment. But I really felt like writing some things off my soul and finally getting back on track here on my blog because SO many things have happened! I feel like 2018 has gone by with a blink, and I haven't done anything at all. But in fact so many things changed the past months, especially the last weeks. At the beginning of the year, I struggled with my bachelor thesis. I couldn't find a topic I wanted (was allowed) to write about and in the end, I've been so very desperate that I even thought about quitting my study even though I was almost done. But then I've got myself together and gathered some last energy, found a topic and just wrote the thesis during summer. It has been the hottest summer in a long long time here in Germany, and I spent it in the dark basement writing my thesis between my granny's glasses with jam and my dad's toolbox because it's been the only place to hide from the heat. Now that I think about it, it is hilarious. But now, I'm sitting here and am allowed to call myself a Bachelor. Today I picked up my bachelor certificate and I actually cannot believe it to be honest. I've been struggling with this since I came back from Finland, and I thought the day would never come that I am finally free and done with the study. Now that it's here, I feel...overwhelmed. And I am also a little bit melancholic since I've been at university for the last time today. Even though that place has been a curse at some points, it also has been such a great part of my life - I've found great friends there, I fell in love, I fell out of love, my heart got broken, I've found my passion for music, sang for the first time of my life in the music basement of the uni, my study made me go to Finland... there are so many things I am grateful for and that I look back at now and am a bit sad to let it go. To close this chapter and start a new. But I think this is how life works and I know there are many adventures ahead of me, but I take this moment to remember all that I've learned and experienced here.
So, now that I am free I am able to go wherever I wanna go and that feels so so good! I can finally go after my dreams, and the first one is to MOVE TO SWEDEN! It's nothing new that I wanna move country, but I feel like the past year(s) it has been more of an idea, a wish, but out of reach. Now it is reality and it is possible - and that's such an exciting feeling. Also very frightening but I try to let go of my fears.I've been in Sweden two weeks ago, to meet my friend Maria and head into the mountains of Härjedalen for a job interview. It did me so well to finally have some time off and spend time in nature again. I missed that so much since I haven't found much time for it due to all the stress. The job offer turned out to be not my cup of tea because of private reasons but it gave me some hope to eventually finding a place to live and a job in Sweden and so now, that I am back in Germany, I continue looking for opportunities. Life can change within 24 hours and who knows what kind of possibilities I will get in the coming months. I try not to stress myself anymore, because I did that more than enough this year. Things will fall into place eventually if you have a dream and if you really WANT and WORK for it! :)
Right now, I am working on some music, maybe finally creating the album that I am talking about for more than a year now. But I stopped putting pressure on myself to reach any kind of expectations. I just wanna go with the flow... Moreover, I started to run again which I've neglected for a long time now. I have to admit that my body has really suffered from all the stress this year. I haven't eaten very well, I haven't done any sports and I treated it with a lot of negative thoughts and self-doubt. So I wanna make it up again and start treating it better so it gets stronger once again and prepared for all that comes next.
Okay, that's it for now. I am so happy to be back on track, I am so happy to be free and unbounded and so excited how my future will look like! I am so glad you are still here to follow my journey and I promise that I will share more again in the future :) You can also have a look at my Youtube channel if you'd like to see some videos from Sweden, if you haven't seen them yet!
Take care of yourself