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Meeting my grandpa one more time

Wednesday, March 8, 2017


God morgon! The snowstorm died away overnight and left the streets covered in snow. I woke up with a heavy head but I got out of bed and drank a cup of fresh cold water to wake my body up. Then I remembered my dream from this night: I met my grandpa again! He died three years ago and I miss him. When I was looking through some old photos and videos a few days ago I found one where he was sitting in his chair in the living room smiling at me, saying Hej! It is so surreal because it feels like he never left. It feels like he is still alive but I just haven't seen him for a long time. But he is not on this earth anymore and I can't sit beside him, gossiping about my granny and stupid things any longer. My grandpa was a little grumpy cat, but he loved me a lot and we have been partners in crime. Three years ago he've got diagnosed with cancer and within a few months he got so very worse and suffered so much, it was a torture to watch and not being able to do anything about it. I did my best to make him feel better and enjoy his last moments. I remember going for a walk with him in his wheelchair, just the two of us, in the corn fields in the front of our house. It was the last moment we shared together alone. Afterward, he got to the hospital and his condition worse and worse. The last morning I came there, I was sitting next to his bed with my aunt and he was staring at me. The words of my aunt are echoing in my head. I will never ever forget when she said "He sees something in you!" It almost broke my heart, but it made me proud at the same time. I hope that my grandpa saw something in me, I hope he saw something good, something full of light which made him forget in how much pain he was. Seeing him this night in my dream was a strange feeling because it felt like I let him go again, I told him it is okay to leave. But it reminded me of what we have been through and how strong I am now. That every difficult and painful situation makes you stronger. A little bit more broken, but the cracks in your heart carry the memories. 

 I love you, grandpa, and I will always keep you between the cracks of my heart! <3


2 comments:

  1. This is such a beautiful blog post... I lost my grandma two years ago to cancer to...
    What you wrote: "It feels like he is still alive but I just haven't seen him for a long time. " I feel like that all the time !
    *hug*
    have a lovely day Michelle !

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    Replies
    1. Thank you, sweetheart, for your lovely words! <3 It is a strange feeling if people are taken from you by death and suddenly you have to leave without them...

      I send you a hug and lots of love! Although memories can hurt, they should make our loved one unforgettable <3

      Praise this day and live it to its fullest <3

      M.

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Illustrations by Emily Stelten